She looks in the mirror sometimes and can’t stand what she sees. Everything that seems wrong with her face she will find and point out. It’s worse with the full length mirrors, ’cause then it becomes an attack on her whole body. She doesn’t believe it when people say she’s beautiful because all her life she’s been told she must focus on her inner beauty and not be vain or arrogant, or think too much of herself.
“You’re beautiful… but… don’t let it get to your head,” someone says. She wonders, “Was that a compliment or an insult?”
So many times she is left confused wondering what the problem is…and often comes to the conclusion that being beautiful is not acceptable. That beauty and vanity are Siamese twins with no hope of being taken apart. As a result, she teaches herself to bring herself down. To remind herself everyday that there is nothing extra-ordinary about her. That she has no beauty: inside or outside.
Her hair is no good. Her face is too fat. Her nose, too large. Her eyes, too eerie. Her personality, too abrasive. Her opinions, too contrary. Her life, too bland. Her intellect, not good enough. Her speech, too forceful. Her talents, overrated.She becomes an expert at hating herself.
However, one day she realizes that people pick up on self-hate. They use it against her. They take the hateful words and use them against her. They reinforce all the negative thins she has been telling herself. It goes on until it finally becomes true. She is no longer beautiful.
What is beautiful about a broken woman? What is beautiful about an unsure woman? What is beautiful about an insecure woman?
She realizes that something has to change because she WANTS to be beautiful. She realizes that there is nothing wrong with being beautiful. That even though it is wrong to be vain and obsessed with how you look, you don’t need to be ashamed because you are beautiful.
So here’s to the end of self-hate. The death of her insecurities. It’s a new day. She is beautiful and she is not ashamed. She is beautiful and she’s okay with it. She is beautiful and she knows it’s a gift, so she accepts it with gratitude. She is beautiful, she won’t make excuses for it. She is beautiful and everyone else can get over it.