I was that girl who hid her face behind her hands anytime people on TV looked like they were about to hug, the girl who swore that her first kiss would be from the man who would be her husband. Sadly, that dream went down a toilet called “Failed Relationship”. And I am still praying that I’ll be a virgin when I get married. Some may ask, “What if you don’t get married?” Simple. I’ll be a virgin as long as I live. Most people wouldn’t be surprised that I said that. Their reason: I’m a woman .I’m meant to be a virgin.

Over the past month, I’ve been speaking to a couple of people about virginity. My classmates, my friends, people I go to church with, pastors  and married people. After a few conversations I realized something : Almost everyone seems sure that girls should be virgins. “It’s important,” they said. However, when I asked whether boys should be virgins too, I can count on one hand the people who said yes without thinking about it or sounding unsure.

This is what drives me up the wall, across the ceiling and out of the room: The double standard. The way society implicitly insists on the sexual purity of unmarried women and condones the sexual escapades of unmarried men. You will note that even our languages have enough terms to refer to unmarried women who are not virgins: “loose women”, “hoes”, “tarts”, “scandalous” and “used goods”. You want to know the term we use for such men? You’re sure want to know? Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s “men” . (Surprise, surprise) I know some may argue that “these days” there’s such a thing as a “man whore”. As if that makes it any better!! Hooray!There’s a term for promiscuous men! Let’s throw a party. Really? Get serious.

Even  some dictionaries, which I now consider useless, define  the word virgin in a very feminine or skeptical way:

virgin n. Person who has not yet had sex. Largely believed to be mythological. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=virgin)  “Largely believed to be mythological” Seriously?

virgin a person who has never had sexual intercourse. 2. an unmarried girl or woman. 3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, especially a saint. (dictionary.reference.com/browse/virgin )

One definition in the free dictionary says: “an unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of   chastity.”(www.thefreedictionary.com/Virgin)

 So what is this double standard that makes it an abomination for a woman to have premarital sex and nothing important when men are unleashed on the world at an early age to divide legs, conquer bedrooms and give referrals to friends? To make matters worse, some men prefer to marry virgins and leave the women they have already slept with to marry..uh… trees perhaps????
One of my friends told me that if a man is a virgin it’s because he lacks opportunity. A lot of my girlfriends and other women I talked to said they would stay virgins and that girls should wait until marriage to have sex, but they would prefer to marry a man who is not a virgin. Now someone please tell me what is wrong with this situation: Men prefer to marry women who are virgins; women prefer to marry men who aren’t virgins.

You know what? I think men should be virgins too. Virgins until their wedding night. It’s just that simple because in all the years I have studied and learned in English, I am yet to find the opposite of bachelor , to be ” virgin”.A virgin is a woman; a virgin is a man. Virginity is for everyone.

So, I want you to tell me what you think. This conversation is not over, we’re going to be talking about it the whole week. So, feel free to leave your comments and take the poll. Let me know what you think. I’ll be back tomorrow.


6 thoughts on “A VIRGIN IS A MAN TOO

  1. Up to a certain age could mean up to the age of marriage!!

    Anyway, thIS article makes a lot of sense. There are many divorces today because of this very state that you have spoken about. Many are not willing to get into a marriage relationship but rather a living together relationship because either one of them or both of them is/are messed up.

    P.S. The things we do are recorded in our brain even if we do not remember them. They affect us subconsciously.


  2. Well well well. men should definitely be virgins. Sex is sacred. A conjugal act that if shared with one apart from your spouse you have demeaned it.. We should all i.e men and women be virgins if unmarried unless you are an animal. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A lot of people get very surprised when a person, female or male, says they’re a virgin. And it’s quite sad if you as me, he issue of premarital sex has become too light an issue in this time, I recently had an interactive post on my blog on premarital sex and I asked people to comment or email me on the same, I received a lot of different views but the main line of thought was, ¨I’m from (insert denomination) church and we are taught that we should preserve ourselves for marriage, but…¨ There was always that but, which is very disconcerting. I believe in purity, both male and female, of our bodies and I would say that premarital and extramarital sex goes against that purity. Virginity has no gender.

    Liked by 1 person

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