“Don’t try every bad boy because you’re looking for a good man. That’s like trying to find mangoes on an orange tree” -msichanawanairobi
My sister got married just over two months ago and I can tell you I have never seen a bride smile more than my sister that day. (She’s the one in the picture… I promise she was smiling like that the whooole day.) I have told her more than once that she got a good man, and she agrees. Now here’s the thing about my sister: She’s a saint. A kindhearted, patient saint. She has that meek and gentle spirit they are always talking about in church, that vibe of “homemaker” “mother” and “good wife”. She never went looking for the good man who is my awesome brother-in-law; she was found.Now switch this over to the opposite end of the spectrum there’s me. Gentle, meek and patient are words that occur rarely where I am being discussed. I have been called “forceful” “tough” “arrogant” “scary” “blunt” “brash” “volatile” and “stubborn”. I am often the girl guys approach as a challenge just to see if they can do it. You know, conquer their fear of the Big Bad Ebby. Women like my sister mostly attract good guys, while I seem to attract men who view me as a primitive nation to be colonized.
My brother-in-law is often amused by the disaster that is my dating life.He’s always teasing me about how I’ll date every bad guy there is until I get the picture and chill out. He even volunteered to be the MC at my wedding so that he can ask the ladies at the reception:”Who here ISN’T married to Ebby’s ex-boyfriend?” And now that I think about it, this might actually happen because any guy I have liked,dated or almost dated met “the One” right after me. Kind of makes me feel like my purpose in life is to demonstrate to men “What You Don’t Want In A Woman.” But, I digress. So, I decided talk to a few people about what I should do to get myself out of the Good Girl / Bad Boy cycle and get a guy who understands me . They ALL said the same thing, ” Stop and wait.” . So for the girls out there who are not meek or gentle, who feel that they might never get a good man . Here’s some things to remember :
1. YOU WILL NEVER BE OLD ENOUGH TO SETTLE FOR A BAD BOY
It does not matter if you’re 19 like me or 45, you are never be old enough to settle for a bad boy. Desperation should never lead you to destroy your life by being with someone who shows his “love” by openly taking you for granted.You shouldn’t have to work make someone love you. Never settle for the bad boy even if you and him are the last ones on the planet and it’s your duty to repopulate the earth. If that is the case: let the human race go extinct. Don’t settle for a bad boy when you deserve a good man.
2. IF YOU NEED TO BE HELD, BUY A TEDDY BEAR
If you don’t know this by now, let me tell you:If you’re a woman you like being held and cuddled and hugged. All that good stuff. Bad boys don’t mind catching you at your most vulnerable and using it to their advantage. So,if you’re feeling cuddly and huggy and the only guys in your phone-book or next door are the bad boy type: HUG A TEDDY BEAR!!!!!! This is very practical advice, silly as it may seem. If you’re not into teddy bears get a fluffy pillow. Don’t find yourself in the arms someone who does not appreciate the worth of what he’s holding.
3. EVEN THE DEVIL APPEARED AS AN ANGEL OF LIGHT
Beware: there are those wolves in sheep’s clothing , bad boys masquerading as good men who fool you into thinking they are what you need. Lady, if it feels to good to be true, it is.TEST THE SPIRITS!! Paranoia and suspicion are totally healthy when scrutinizing a possible mate. Keep your eyes and ears open and your heart under lock and key.Only let your guard down when you’re sure he’s a good man.
4.YOU CAN’T FIND A MANGO IN AN ORANGE TREE
If your ex-boyfriend was a bad boy and the next guy you date is just like your ex, you have a problem. You cannot keep looking for good men inside bad boys. Some crazy person once said that, “Every girl wants a bad boy who’s really a good man.” Let’s be serious now. It’s like walking up to an orange tree hoping and praying you’ll harvest mangoes. There’s no such thing as a bad boy who is a good man. I am learning that good men aren’t found by good women, they are attracted and drawn to good women. Sadly, bad boys are also drawn good women,so be alert.
5.GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT AND WHO ARE READY
This cliché really applies in this situation. This is because, the guy who was bad boy when you were nineteen or twenty may be a good man ten years later. So while you’re waiting you can focus on becoming a good woman cause if you’re as young as I am, you’re not there yet. If you’re much older, you’re not ready. If you’re a good woman and you’re ready, look around there’s someone you’re not seeing.
6. HE MAY BE RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE
A lot of us wonder, “Where have all the good men gone?” Uh, well, he might be the guy you friend zoned, or the guy you think is not your type. You’re so focused on the wrong type of guy, you lose out on someone who may just be perfect for you. Or you’re so fixed on making this bad boy fall in love with you (which you can’t do by the way) you miss out on opportunities to get to know other guys who just might be what you’re looking for. So, open your eyes , be objective and look at the guys you call your “friends” who actually treat you right. You’ll be surprised at how many good guys you can find.
So to all those impulsive, passionate girls like me, there’s nothing in this life like a good man, so wait for him. I am taking my brother’s advice and “chilling”; taking the time to become a good woman. I’m done with the cycle because I see from how happy my sister is, that waiting is totally worth it. Now, let me go pray for patience.Sigh.Meanwhile, keep reading and sharing, and stay tuned because next week it’s all about good, bad and nasty women.