Happy holidays everyone!! It’s almost New Years’ Day and I owe it to all my wonderful readers to write an end year post. First, I will apologize for taking so long to write. A lot happened between my last post and this one. First, my phone was stolen, then I got sick, then I was studying for exams, then I was doing exams, then I had to move back home from school, then it was Christmas and then finally today happened. I will admit: I have missed writing and I am so excited to be back in my blog bubble!!!!So, for the last time in 2014: Happy reading!
The title of this post is a West African saying which I learned from a friend I made a few weeks ago. It basically means that those who are desperate to get something won’t get it and those who get it don’t ask for it. I will apply this saying to relationships, friendships, self-image and social life in general.
Think about it. A lot of times, those who are desperate to fit in and make friends are often friendless and odd, then they are those who have more friends than they can count and more friends than they want. Those who wanted a boyfriend as soon as yesterday are more single than the number one, while the girls who are followed by what seems to be a herd of eligible men were not even looking. There’s the good guy who really wants a shot at the girl but his sentence is “Life in the Friendzone”. While, there’s the guy who, without effort, gets every girl’s attention and does not care for it.This saying is applicable because more often than not , the thing we want is something we can’t really have and have feelings we can’t control.
Take beauty for example, once you’re born with your face there is really nothing you can do to change it( Micheal Jackson and Hollywood tactics aside). Let me just say, at some point this year, I really identified with the whole being-unable-to-change-your-face situation. I think, five times in a day people would see me and ask: “Why do you look bored?” Or they say something insulting like: ” Your face looks tired.” “Your face looks sour.” Someone even said to me that they “decided” that they “actually” like my face (obviously somewhere in their mind, liking my face was a bone of contention). Or when it’s that time of the month and a pimple the size of a large grape shows up in the middle of my face and someone asks, ” What’s happening to your face?” God also blessed me with huge eyes that many have called “macho mbaya” (evil eyes) because…. uh… I have no idea.
So, I actually tried to figure out what I could do to make my face more “compliant”, because I, like most girls, want people to think I’m pretty. I bought make-up, made sure to get my eyebrows done. I did everything to prevent the appearance of Mt. Pimple on day 28… (it still showed up). After a short while, though, I gave up. I realized that I have never had a problem with my face since the day I was born with it, it has served me well and done everything that a face should do. I also realized that people’s reaction to or feelings about my beauty ( or lack thereof) is really none of my business.
To be honest, I do not care that my face does not comply with conventional alertness standards and maybe I look bored because nothing interesting is going on. I won’t even begin to comment on what I think about being told that my face looks tired ,sour or angry. I also was not born with the kind of skin that has no pimples. So deal with it. I am not sorry that my face does not look like the latest pretty thing on a magazine cover, and why would it? The cover model did not contribute to my gene pool and my face does not spend hours in Photoshop before you see it. So now, it matters less to me what the general consensus about my beauty is and more that one day my face will catch the subjective ” eye of the beholder” who will appreciate my kind of beauty.
There is a point to this story about my face: So many of us are disappointed when people do not react to us the way we wanted. We get hurt when people don’t feel what we want them to feel. So many girls get their hearts broken when they fall in love with a guy who did not fall in love in return. A lot of guys get angry when a girl they hit on does not respond the way they want and I know some who hold it against the girl.
We want people to be loyal. We want people to think we are nice. We want people to like us. We want people to love us. We want to get married. We want to be popular. We want to be famous. We want. We want. We want. Here’s the thing: All this wanting has turned us into desperate people, who are no longer confident to be themselves because we are so focused on other people feeling a certain way towards us. This is the solution: get over wanting to control, or be assured of how or what people feel about you. Just be yourself, and you will get what’s coming to you. Even things you did not expect. This has been the greatest lesson I have learnt this year. I hope it helps you out too.Be okay with being yourself in 2015!
Thanks for all your support this year. Feel free to leave a comment. Happy New Year!!!