“God created you on purpose so be proud to be who you are. Have self-confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of self-respect.”__msichanawanairobi

This past two months I have found myself wishing I had been born a man on several occasions.Womanhood has been the bane of my existence. March and April have been full of situations where I was disregarded or underestimated and even reprimanded for being the X chromosome that got another X chromosome.I won’t lie.It made me boiling mad.However, some of my friends helped me,prayed for me and gave me books to read that really helped out.As a result, there’s some stuff I’m figuring out that I want to share with all the girls and young women out there who are excited about womanhood , who need information on this journey they are just beginning.  Oh, and you gentlemen should pay attention as well, because a lot of you need the record set straight. Happy Reading!

Dear ‘XX’ ,

If you’re reading this letter,and you’re not male, it means that big event you’ve been waiting for all your life has finally happened. You have gotten your first period. You have also probably realized that perhaps you shouldn’t have been too excited about it.Cramps are something else, aren’t they? Anyway, congrats, you’re a woman now!

This letter has been written as a guideline specifically for you and others like you, so as to attempt to try to help you figure out this womanhood business. Pay attention.

First off, always bear in mind, that being a woman is nothing to be ashamed of and let nobody make you feel otherwise. However, there are a lot of people, and I mean A LOT of people, both men and women, walking this earth who act as though we sat/floated/swam in our mother’s wombs as zygotes, or whatever, and made the “wrong” choice in a uterine game show by picking the box marked “Female” . My advice: ignore them. God created you on purpose so be proud to be who you are. Have self-confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of self-respect.

“Womanhood” is not another word for “weakness”. A woman is not physically weak, if she were, the human race would have gone extinct because none of us would have survived childbirth. A woman is not mentally weak, if she were, all the great men raised by single mothers would have never achieved all that they achieved. A woman is not emotionally weak.A woman does not have to be economically weak.  A woman is not weak. Period. So, if you fell for that soap opera/romance novel horse dung portraying women as fragile, ever crying, hardly thinking and ever primping creatures, please pray for sanctified brainwashing.

Now, the next thing I’m going to say needs you to have an open mind. You ready? Okay. Here goes: Leave the boys alone. You’re a woman now. Leave the “real men” alone, those are just boys in bigger bodies, with bigger egos and national identification. You are a woman now. What you are aiming for ,my love, is a gentleman. Yes honey, a gentleman. Now, please note that being a gentleman is not about wearing a slim-fit suit, having a good haircut, clean nails and nice cologne (though these are definitely a plus). No. Being a gentleman is about character. You see, boys, are still looking for character, so-called “real men” are faking character but gentlemen, HAVE character. It’s in the way they address you when they are with you and the way they talk about you when they aren’t. It’s in the way they treat the other people around them.However, it’s mostly in the way they interact with the one who created them. The gentleman’s life creed is :”Honor Thy Creator” and that is why he has character. This character cannot be faked and if you use that God-given sixth sense of yours, you’ll be able to smell a fake a mile away. I know, I know, some of you are not too keen on the God thing, and some of you will DEFINITELY ignore this advice. It’s your choice. I’ve never been one to coddle. You have been warned.

That being said, it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t tell you that “womanhood” is not synonymous with “wife-hood” either, so don’t find yourself doing wifely things when you are not yet a wife. Is that a bit vague? Hmmm. Let me help you out. Do not cook, clean, wash clothes for and/or have sex with a man who is not your husband. It is that simple. You may be saying in your head that I’m probably still single and I don’t understand. That I won’t find a good husband. Let me just say: LOL! I’m not in this world to find a husband. My husband will find me.If he doesn’t, it means that he doesn’t exist. I, on the other hand, will keep living my life.Let me explain. You see, God made Adam alone and the poor guy walked around lonely looking for something/someone to cure his loneliness. Then, he woke from a deep sleep and found Eve in front of him and his world was complete. Eve was literally just living her life when the guy burst into an Ode to Eve: “Bone of Bone, Flesh of my Flesh…” It’s kind of funny, now that I think about it. She must have been like, ” Uh, God?Who is the strange man singing to me…?” Anyway, I digress. Do you notice the sequence in which things happened? I mean, who am I to start reversing Biblical order?

You also can’t get along in life acting like Nairobi weather. Shining one minute. Gloomy the next. Pouring with a vengeance a few seconds later. Then, randomly shining for ten seconds before another downpour. For goodness’ sake, you are not the weather. Master your moods! Furthermore, just because you feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean you have to tell and show everyone that you feel a certain way. Sometimes keeping your feelings to yourself can be healthy. However, you are also not a bottomless pit, so stop bottling up those feelings like they have somewhere to go. Talk to God. Write in your diary. Go to the gym. Eat Hob Nobs.Find a helpful way to express the feelings that keep messing with your mood and giving everyone else a bad day.

It is also important for you to realize that you are constantly in a position to influence those around you, to be honest, everyone is. This means therefore, that you have to watch how you carry yourself in front of people. Womanhood is about preserving your dignity.For this reason, your apparel matters. I know you’re becoming a woman in this dreadful ” My Dress, My Choice” era (Here come the feminists to crucify me)…where the dresses are strapless, backless,micro-mini, body-con, cut out dresses… with slits. Be that as it may, it would be prudent of you to bear in mind, the famous Kenyan saying that everyone pretends has no hidden political meaning: “Choices have consequences.”

Do you really expect to be thought of as “classy” in a crop top, jeans with more holes in them than fabric and lipstick that looks like you face planted into the neon rainbow? Do you expect people to be comfortable around you when they feel in their subconscious that something is off about you, when really, it’s because you replaced your natural eyebrows with lightning bolts? Do you expect people to take you seriously, when you mimic a self-proclaimed makeup guru, and wear fake lashes that make it look like your eyes grew wings?  I mean, even self-expression has limits! I know that right about now, you’re thinking, ” But how comes men get to wear whatever they want?…Life is so unfair…” Honey, you completed that wearing-whatever-you-want phase when you grew breasts and had to start wearing a bra. Furthermore, that “less is more” concept DOES NOT REFER TO FABRIC!!! Oh and it also does not refer to saturation… for those of us who are fond of the sheer, see-through clothes.( How does that even make sense? See-through clothes?? Are they clothes if you can see through them?) I mean, why would we expect the influence we have on those around us to be one that begets respect when we seem eager to just walk around naked. Here’s the deal: Womanhood is also about putting clothes on. If you’re just dying to be naked… stay in the shower the whole day. (P.S It is also about keeping your clothes on… that Usher song about not minding whether you dance on a pole…is a farce. Of course the man won’t mind you being a stripper..until you ask to meet his mother, that is.)

Lastly and most importantly,true womanhood is about wisdom and wisdom is to fear God. It’s not about fighting to be equal with men; God made us equal. It’s not about trying to be beautiful. God made us beautiful. It’s not about being weaker, or disadvantaged or ill-fated.Your womanhood is a blessing. God created you intentionally and thus chose womanhood for you,so please, count that blessing. Respect and love the One Who Made You. Honor thy Creator.

As you begin your journey, take it one step at a time. Enjoy your womanhood. I pray you thrive.

With Love,


A Proud ‘XX’

P.S. I’m totally over the wanting to be a man thing.


15 thoughts on “DEAR ‘XX’

  1. Awesome! Thank you Ebby.. Women need to know what they’re worth! 🙂 When we look at our reflection in the mirror, do we see pimples? Bushy eyebrows? Or do we see a fearfully and wonderfully created woman in God’s image. 🙂
    “Beauty” is only skin deep. True beauty is what the heart and mind holds:-)

    I love your blog Ebby. 🙂


  2. I have no big word to express my happiness on “Dear xx” but I should say a Thank you though I have a Y Somewhere.

    Keep it up Ebby for encouraging somebody.



  3. This piece is lovely.How you have expressed your view on controversial issues is genius.
    “Sanctified brainwashing”,”Who am I to start reversing Biblical Order?”…well said Ebby!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! Ebby, Wow! This is your most amazing piece yet. I love it! I’ll never tire of telling you you have an amazing gift and are one of my favourite bloggers. This piece resonates with me on so many levels.

    (Where to begin…)
    “Dear XX,
    •You were made on purpose.
    •Woman is not synonymous with weakness.
    •Leave the boys alone. (Well put) GentlemanHAVE character which they get from their life’s creed “Honor Thy Creator.”
    •You are constantly in a position to influence everyone around you.”

    The last paragraph just caps it all.

    Beautiful piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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