Stop blaming fate for your stupidity and take responsibility for your actions.
It’s been a while. I know. During the time of my silence, I have been figuring out whether or not I want to keep writing. You know, trying to see if this is just some aimless hobby or something that I can actually be good at. Did I figure it out? No. I didn’t. I’m writing again because I missed it. I have no idea whether or not I am any good, all I know is I like it enough to miss it when I’m not doing it. So…for those of you who will actually be excited… @msichanawanairobi is back!!! Did you miss me?
So, I turned twenty a while ago..finally, being in the teens was starting to annoy me. Anyway, as I was saying, I turned twenty a while ago and as we speak, twenty one is fast approaching, seeing as this year seems in a hurry to come to an end.Over the past few months I realised something I shared with a few of my friends: After the angst of adolescence comes the uncertainty of your twenties. When I turned twenty my life turned aimless and I was no longer sure of most things and I didn’t want to risk spreading my aimlessness by writing something stupid over here. So, I took time out to figure out and learn a few things. Here are some of the things I have learnt in my months of being in my twenties that I think people of all ages should have figured out.
You can’t be equal and special:Our generation is all about equality! Men and women are equal.Heterosexual and homosexual marriage are equal. Everyone clamouring for equal rights! I won’t be surprised if children start asking for equal rights as parents. Can you imagine that? Children fighting for the right to punish their parents for punishing them? Equality has got us twisted. Equal this, equal that. Blah, blah, blah. We get it. Equal is the new black and you know what…being special is the new black too.So, at what point does being equal come in with you being special?It makes no sense? If we are all the same, how can we all be special?? Are we all the same BECAUSE we are all special…which then means no one is really special. You see? Confusing. Let’s be real. Being talented doesn’t mean you are special. I can assure you there has been, is and there will be someone more talented than you. Being you, doesn’t make you special. Here’s how you’ll know. Has someone ever walked up to you and said: “I ran in to someone the other day and they act JUST LIKE YOU!” They have? Well, there you have it. You are not special. Neither am I. In my case, I am really not special seeing as I get the “they act just like you” statement almost every fortnight.
Personally, I’m of the right opinion that we’re equal. Why? Well, God says we are. And since he made us… who am I to doubt the manufacturer and believe the product? Please note though, equal does not mean the same which brings me to my next point.
You are different: “Wait,Ebby. I thought you said I am not special.” Well, you aren’t. However, you are different. Being different does not make you special. Think about it this way: What if people decided that they are better than another set of people because they have lighter skin? Wait, that already happened. What if people decided that they are special because they come from a certain part of the country? Oh, wait, that’s the summary of Africa’s political,economic and social history. As you can see, when you begin to assess whether or not you or someone else is special based on what makes you different and what makes them different…it get’s a bit messy and we run into monsters like racism,tribalism,nepotism and all their weird cousins. So, you are tall, someone else is short. Someone else has long hair, you don’t. You’re book smart, someone else is street smart. You’re different. It doesn’t mean you’re special, it just means you are different.
Stop blaming fate for your stupidity: Whenever bad relationships come up, I never mince my words. I always tell the person I’m talking to that mine were all bad decisions I regretted. Of course, some people try and sugar coat my messes and say: “But, oh,I’m sure you learnt something from them..” or ” Sometimes we are meant to run into some people so that we learn what we don’t want…” Stop right there! People make it sound as though they were blindfolded, gagged, with ear plugs in their ears and had their hands and feet bound when they get into a bad relationship or make a bad decision.Don’t get me wrong: I did learn something from those bad experiences,but if all of us were honest, a lot of the lessons we learn from bad relationships and decisions are things we were told that we stupidly thought would not happen to us, or things that we could have learned without the nasty experience.( I will say though, not all bad relationships are because of a stupid decision because sometimes the other person is just that good a liar.) So these days when people tell me: “There’s a reason for everything…” I say…” Sometimes the reason is my own stupidity.” In short,leave fate out of your silliness and take responsibility for your actions.
You do not have a predestined soul-mate: Yeah.I said it. There is no such thing as a predestined soul-mate. There isn’t a specific person walking on this earth who is meant to be your husband or wife or friend or boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s this great gift God gave mankind called “free will”…you’ve heard of it,I’m sure. If you haven’t,let me break it down for you: It involves this interesting concept called: MAKING A CHOICE. Yes. Strange,is it not? That you decide who your friends are,who your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is? Isn’t that good news?That you no longer have to sit across the table from someone and worry about whether or not they are “the one”? That you can end a friendship or relationship from a totally logical perspective when you realise you are being used, or that you and the other person are a disaster of nuclear proportions when you are together, without thinking later that they are “the one that got away”? (Let me just say, I hate that statement, people are not rats!!) I have to admit though, this is my favourite perk, you acquire the ability to watch those sappy soap operas, series and movies about people who fall in love at 14, are separated and heartbroken and never love anyone else and live miserable lives until they run into each other when they are 35…go through hell to be together as their love story culminates in their full of water works, over the top wedding at the young age of 45, or one of them dies and the other lives the rest of their life loving a corpse. You can now watch these shows as comedies.
Also, this realisation also makes life easy for me when someone tells me I’m their soul-mate. Instead of spending countless days praying and fasting to see whether they are also my soul-mate; I just laugh.
You matter: Yes. You matter. Even though you’re not special. You see, we need to stop determining our worth based on who said we are special or why we’re special as that would mean none of us matters since you know, none of us are special. You matter because your life is worth something. You were created in the image of an awesome God. You were bought with a price on Calvary. You have decisions to make. You have the ability to impact society for good or for evil. What you say matters, what you do matters, how you treat other people matters. Please, get it right. You mattering is a responsibility. It’s something to take seriously not something to laud over other people,because they matter too. So, you matter and never forget why. And if anyone who claims to love you ever treats you like you don’t, please exercise some of that free will we talked about and choose better friends.
That’s all I have for now. What? Were you expecting more? Get serious, I’ve only been in my twenties for a year. Maybe this time next year, God willing, I’ll have more lessons.
It feels good to be back. Feel free to leave a comment and share some of the lessons you learnt in your twenties that you feel everyone ought to learn. Especially, if your twenties are behind you or you’ve been in them for a while.