I don’t want anyone. I think the world will be okay without my contribution to the gene pool .I am also pretty sure that life will go on as if nothing happened if I remain single for the rest of my life. Yes, I said it. SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re going to say: “Don’t be bitter.” , or maybe “There’s someone for everyone.” And then there’s the famous: “There’s someone just for you.,” I have heard, I have even listened. However, I am choosing to ignore you now. I refuse to let myself be convinced that there’s a way on this earth that I will some day be part of a “we”. Get this:
1. I AM NOT JUST SAYING IT
First off, allow me to point out that I don’t just speak to waste my words and tickle my own fancy because I can’t stand the thought of passing a minute without the sound of my own voice babbling along senselessly. Contrary to what many think, I don’t talk for my own amusement. I talk because I have something to say and it just so happens that 9.99 times out of 10, I have something to say. So, when I say I’m going for the single life, I mean it.
2. IT’S NOT JUST A “NOW” THING
There’s also the crew of “you’re just saying that now, wait till you get older”. I appreciate the fact that we learn as we grow, but I have come to firmly believe that you really don’t need to learn every lesson that life has to teach. And seeing as marriage…and all the preliminaries leading up to it are elective classes, I’m opting out. Very gladly.
3. I’M OKAY WITH IT
I’m not bitter. I’m not even disappointed. I’m a bit annoyed at myself, but that’s about it. For the most part, I’m relieved. The mere contemplation of getting to know a person that deeply and intimately doesn’t sit well with me. Ask any of my friends, even my siblings, I really don’t understand weird, mushy, sentimental stuff that focuses on me.I don’t like being hugged when I’m crying. I really don’t like talking about my problems and since I can remember, I’ve always preferred books to people. ( Because books don’t get mad when you don’t agree with their opinions.) I really want to remain like this. For the rest of my life if I can .
4. SOMETHING HAPPENED
For those who say, “You’re just like this because something must have happened to you. ” You are right. You are so right, you ought to be given five cookies. Or maybe not, because people don’t just out of the blue start acting a certain way, something has to happen to make them that way. So yes, something happened to me. A lot of somethings actually, and I realised that if I kept on the road I was on, those things that happened would just get more complicated as I grew older. So I changed my route.
5. I’M FAT AGAIN
Yup. I am fat. Or rather, I am fatter since I’ve never really been the slimmest thing out there. Lol! This,getting fatter, has happened to me every single time I have gotten into a relationship. And not the endearing kind of fat that makes you look like a decadent fluffy donut. Nope. It’s the kind of fat that makes you walk quickly past all reflective surfaces because you know you look like a baby pigmy hippopotamus learning how to walk. I always get fat in relationships. It’s not because I’m happy. It’s because I’m stressed. The male species stresses me. They think in a very peculiar way that perplexes more than impresses me, though it does impress me on occasion. When I’m stressed I eat. A lot. And not salad. (Yes,I know that I am avoiding my emotions by suppressing them with food, I’ll buy a diary and write down my feelings or something )
6. I AM NOT ANTI-MEN
Someone once told me that I like to pretend I am anti-men and act all tough when I am actually a very nice person. Part of that is true: I am a nice person and I can be pretty tough but, I am not anti-men. Men are good. Men are nice. Elsewhere. Not around me. I wish them the best. May they thrive. Elsewhere. Not around me. They can feel free to say hello. Wave. Send a subtle nod of acknowledgement my way. Make comments about the weather. These are all okay. However, don’t get vulnerable with me. Don’t get deep and intellectual and philosophical. Do that elsewhere with someone more understanding.
7. I’M TALKING TO GOD ABOUT IT
I decided to take this situation of mine to God. I wanted answers and more and more as I pray and study, I keep becoming more comfortable with being alone. I will not lie and say that I have figured out God’s plan for my life. I am definitely not even close to anything He wants me to be. I will say however, that I am sure that His plan for me for the next long while is one which involves me, Him and a many meals filled with potatoes.(I’ve always said God was thinking of me when he made potatoes…)
My friends have been asking me if I’m really serious about this. If I’m really going to give up my dream of having seven sons and a daughter. Yes, I am. You guys acted shocked and all thought I was crazy anyway for wanting that many kids, so feel free to be shocked in the opposite direction…if that makes sense. Haha! Seriously though, I know some of you are worried. But, I will be okay. I have God. I have potatoes. I have music. I have potatoes. So, you see? I’ll be okay.
It’s okay to want to be alone. I want to be alone. I enjoy being alone. So, I just want to let the next person who’s going to tell me there’s someone out there for me, that I’m really hoping that he just stays out there and if at all we ever do run into each other(lawyers always put disclaimers), I want him to know that I will be running in the opposite direction. Or if there really is someone out there for me, I hope he’s a plate of rice and potatoes, with a cup of tea on the side.
As always, thanks for reading. Love and God’s blessings.