THE WORLD IS ENDING AND IT’S MY FAULT

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The other day, I learned something terrible. That the human race will not survive much longer if I don’t get married and rectify my single situation as soon as is demanded by those ordained by God to observe, faithfully collect data and diligently report on my marital status. It would seem that the impending extinction of the human race is fast approaching with my reluctance to engage in romantic discourse with available suitors. The ice caps are melting. Water tables are rising. Temperatures are at an all time, fatal high. The ozone layer is completely depleted and man kind is running out of food. My singleness, ladies and gentlemen, is global warming and adverse climate change.

At least that’s what all you “concerned” people make it seem like at those news stations where the headline is my love life, or more accurately, the lack thereof.

First off, shame on you for trying to force something as solemn and serious as marriage down the throats of unwilling participants. Leave people alone. It is not for everyone. I know it’s hard, but try not to get your kind souls too overwhelmed and “concerned” whenever you run into a young woman like me who does not have it in her list of ambitions to be a wife. It just isn’t a dream I have. It is not a priority. There is nothing wrong with me and stop talking to me and about me as if there is. 

Marriage is not a requirement neither is it a standard to assess the quality and authenticity of my womanhood. _msichanawanairobi

A man will not “correct” me. A man will not fix me. A man will not calm me down. I am not a problem that needs to be solved. I will not expire at thirty. It is not because I think I’m too good or men are not good enough. I just don’t want to be married. Period. 

I have a right to have opinions. I even have a right to have strong opinions. Can you believe that? Opinions are not a symptom of singleness. They are the sign of a thinking mind, whether right or wrong. Opinions are not for “rebellious women” but rather for human beings. It is my job to do my own believing in this world, a husband will not hold my beliefs for me. 

Also, to those who were in the factory where I was packed as a packet of juice and stamped with a sell by date reading “Will Expire By Age 30″… Calm down. You will not be among the people who have to tolerate my expired self, thank you very much. I will go rot away from your marital bliss. Alone. You know, just so I don’t infect you with my singleness. Clearly, it’s a contagious ailment that requires me to be quarantined if it’s not treated by the stipulated expiry date. 

Then there is the unsavory age of thirty eight or was it forty, when I will go baby mad. According to sources, women who hold on to their singleness till this age will watch their friends with their children and their ovaries will go into overdrive. This state will show itself externally by way of me walking around in the supermarket smelling diapers and ogling other people’s children. (This is a direct quote. Someone said this to me.) Allow me to pause and ask, where do you get the poisonous mushrooms you’re eating? You need to stop and rethink your diet. 

Then there’s the whole parts of my body falling off as a result of celibacy. This will also be the direct cause of major earthquakes throughout Asia and hurricanes in the Americas because you know, no one has ever been celibate before. Nature will be in protest along with many environmentalist groups to demand that if I don’t get married, I should, at the very least, have sex? I mean, how dare I be single and celibate? It is unheard of. It is just not done. Should I not pick a struggle? The world JUST CAN’T TAKE IT. 

Then there are the ones who think I stay single because I think I’m too good for men, or that men are not good enough. You have it a bit twisted. I am not good enough. I am not willing to put in the work required to build a good marriage, in fact I’m not willing to even contemplate on how I would begin. It has nothing to do with the men. However, since we are on the subject. If you were in the dating pool right now, a convent would seem pretty appealing.

 The men have mutated, so have the women. Many are determined to hyena their way through a vast majority of the unsuspecting, virginal female population. Others are willingly standing under the “I’m a hoe and I’m proud” banner while consciously, unrealistically and legitimately expecting to fall into real, genuine, earth shattering love. Then there’s the poor folks drowning in the friend zone. Others are happily languishing as side chicks, foolishly hoping to become main squeezes. A few have put a price on their love and sell it to the highest bidder or the guy going on a trip to Dubai. Meanwhile, while all this is happening some are yet to grow their spine and step to a woman and woman are dying of unrequited love, crying their disappointment into pillows over a box or carton of something very unhealthy. There are a few exceptions, but do I have to tell you how dangerous, not to mention arrogant, it is, going through life as the exception? Yeah. Statistics have a way of humbling you. The long and short of it. The game is not one I have the time or energy to play.

Finally, to those “start-praying-for-your-husband” people, will you allow me to have other things to talk to God about? I’m not going to peg all my prayers and the start of my life on meeting and marrying another sinner saved by grace.My life started. Is going on and God willing, will go on. I’m living my life now. It’s happening now. It is not a rehearsal for when I get married. I do not cook well so that I will be seen and married and one day please my husband. I cook well because I love to eat and bland food is a depressing experience. I do not clean and organize so that I can be acknowledged as a home maker by whoever is lurking out there looking for his missing rib. I clean and organize so that I am efficient. I do not live my life now for a man I have not and might never meet. To be honest, it’s low-key idolatrous to me, centering my life on my “future husband”, existent or otherwise. 

You know what, you should be encouraged though. You may not see my wedding down here, but feel free to make it to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. I’ll be in white and everything and I’ll even have a crown. 

Seriously, though.

I will be lonely on some days. True. Aren’t we all? There are married people who are lonely with their spouses seated right next to them. Marriage is ideally for companionship, however, it is not the cure for loneliness. “Lonely in a crowd” is a very real concept. 

I will be sad on some days, but aren’t we all? Bring me one married person who says that being married cured their sadness, long-term. You will be hard pressed to find one. Happiness is a homemade thing; an in-house job and most of all a God-sourced gift. 

For those who are genuinely concerned, I’ll be okay. God has me in His heart and if you’re feeling a bit out of place whenever your reading this, He has you in His heart too. 

Now, I’m going back to being single. Let the world end. It’s overdue anyway. 

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15 thoughts on “THE WORLD IS ENDING AND IT’S MY FAULT

  1. “The ice caps are melting. Water tables are rising. Temperatures are at an all time, fatal high. The ozone layer is completely depleted and man kind is running out of food. My singleness, ladies and gentlemen, is global warming and adverse climate change.”

    I completely relate! You share experiences that almost every single lady by choice undergoes; especially myself.

    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely !!!

    Singleness is not a disease

    Being an Alpha Female chasing everything else but not marriage is not a crime…

    And He makes all things Beautiful in His Time 🙂

    So we will survive – And that’s what we have been doing anyway!!! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow😃
    I love this
    Well and superbly written

    How about addressing that other crop of self appointed advisors who love quipping ‘My dear you will find a man who’ll sweep you off your feet without your knowledge, you’ll be love stricken

    In agreement to your great piece … I’ll add my best quote lately ‘I aspire to use my intellect fully and not to succumb to frivolities such as romance’

    Ps. I’d love a companion when ready in my life😃….a kindred spirit

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahahaha…You make me so happy. I love this. Can you come and speak to those my age who are actually stressing me (and themselves) out for no apparent reason. PPPPLLLLLLEEEEESSSSEEEE!!!!! We should hold a forum. I’ll bring potatoes. OMG!!! #lifemade

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Many are determined to hyena their way through a vast majority of the unsuspecting

    Ati hyena (fisi) their way😂😂 #deas Kweli you are a Kenyan.

    Nice piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I related… smiled (mind you i was sitted alone in a cafe next to couples).. took notes ……flawless piece of literature nowly needed for the mature mind.

    Facts:::
    My singleness, ladies and gentlemen, is global warming and adverse climate change.
    Opinions are not a symptom of singleness….BUT DO I SAY
    Many are determined to hyena their way through a vast majority of the unsuspecting, virginal female population….NO Comment
    then there’s the poor folks drowning in the friend zone….#drowning
    Others are happily languishing as side chicks, foolishly hoping to become main squeezes. A few have put a price on their love and sell it to the highest bidder or the guy going on a trip to Dubai. …..OTEK
    Finally, to those “start-praying-for-your-husband” people, will you allow me to have other things to talk to God about? I’m not going to peg all my prayers and the start of my life on meeting and marrying another sinner saved by grace.My life started. Is going on and God willing, will go on. I’m living my life now. be seen and married and one day please my husband. I cook well because I love to eat aIt’s happening now. It is not a rehearsal for when I get married. I do not cook well so that I will nd bland food is a depressing experience. I do not clean and organize so that I can be acknowledged as a home maker by whoever is lurking out there looking for his missing rib. I clean and organize so that I am efficient. I do not live my life now for a man I have not and might never meet. To be honest, it’s low-key idolatrous to me, centering my life on my “future husband”, existent or otherwise. ….AMEN AMEN!!!!!
    You know what, you should be encouraged though. You may not see my wedding down here, but feel free to make it to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. I’ll be in white and everything and I’ll even have a crown.

    ……Emeweza

    Liked by 1 person

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